Help Wanted

The position you will be applying for is my missing antagonist. The job will include putting me down, speaking ridiculously while being frustratingly correct and overall usage of irate personally.


Since my step father passed it seems I have been missing my antagonist. I feel like I have nothing to prove and no reason to achieve anything. I guess this means I will be going back to therapy ASAP.

I am back!

My Blog has been MIA litteraly for a while. I would log in and it was not here to write in. After lots of emails to blogger support I am back!

I will have more to say latter on I just wanted to say hi again, I am back.

Syracuse

Syracuse Well I am off to Syracuse this weekend weather permitting. The Girl I am seeing, my flying vulture formally know as Becky Bird my green checked conure and I. The 3 of us are going to drive to Syracuse to see my friend Tim who is home from the war in Iraq Tim-In-Iraqi-Update . This should be very cool considering I have not see Tim in 6 months? Also, this will be the first trip with the girl I am seeing.
We will see...I am feeling anxious about the weather so I might cancel. Besides that I am checking out a new therapist Friday AM and of course the chiropractor It will be a early long day tomorrow. I hope to write more before the weekend. If not be well and drop by Monday for the update.

DKC

Following Up

I have had a few questions about pervious posts so here are the answers.

Broken Key
The dermatologist says I have Psoriasis

Chess
To the best of my knowledge I am not a sore loser. I am just quiet after losing... admittedly I do not like to lose. Who does?

Sloth
{One of the Seven Deadly Sins}
1) Looked like a skinny, long haired homeless man in my dream.
2) We were chatting about what I had done that day. A good friend of mine Becoming a Nurse said "Of course you felt happy and relaxed talking to Sloth...not many people really like to work.
3) We had Chicken... so if you have diner with Sloth its a good idea to eat chicken.

Change-Roll-Adope-La
When I reduced my 401K deduction out of my pay my financial situation improved. I still need to budget.

Hell Week
I am still seeing the girl I posted about and things are going well.

My car is still not repaired from when I got hit but I suspect that will happen in due time or when the insurance company approves the repair.

--------------------------------------------------
I am working on a better way to interact with me on this Blog but I have not see any method I like yet.

DKC

Amusement

Amusement can be defined as "entertainment: a diversion that holds the attention". I agree with this definition.

For most of my life after 14 years old my life has centered on how I can amuse myself, while not hurting anyone and if you have a good time while I am amusing myself everyone wins. That is basically 20 years of amusement and I have had a blast. I have tried to not be selfish or cocky but these things happen to everyone. I have occasionally acted recklessly, even heedless of other people, and some small times brilliantly {my own assessment}. I have learned a lot of things about amusing myself and its effects on people. In fact, almost everyone in my life alive or past has played a part in my amusement. Over the years, I have grown so that I can amuse myself without others being harmed mentally or physically and I think this is an achievement. If you think about it most anything can be considered amusement and at one time everything was amusement for me.

I feel very selfish while writing this but it is the truth and I do not think I am a bad person for it.

The point of this post is what befuddles my mind while I am busy amusing myself is how strangely people react. In my mind I would think of watching this guy {ME} amuse myself as a show or even a play? Some people can do this and a very small few people can play along. It’s the reactions of shock, confession and etc that boggle my mind. {Mind you I am pretty good at keeping the amusement effect to myself *my own assessment*}. These reactions are what helped me create my number 1 original quote on the side bar to the right "1. Do not scorn me because the most creative thing you have done today was set your alarm clock yesterday.”
Anyway, part of me understands why people react poorly but largely I have wonderment about what are these people doing over there or does anything make them smile? I go even further and think if they are not smiling why not does something else that will make them smile? ... It’s hard even strange for me to think that we have one life and not trying to enjoy it.
Recently, I have been slightly reclusive and depressed which is sadly affecting those closest to me. This has to do with my step father passing, money and a few other fun psychological issues... {All part of the cycle a person must have a down to have an up}...
However, while in this state I am still trying to amuse myself...

Wrap it up Cazman {Long post today}
What I am trying to say is there are plenty of things that life is about but while doing most of them I think you should have a good time or why do it? Does my amusement really hurt you? Must you suck my energy go read The Celestine Prophecy and find your own energy to ruin or go wilt a bush ... something other then that glare or reaction that really just frustrates me and brings some people that are enjoying life down. Go to someone else's show ....my show no longer takes that close minded crap.

Man what a rant today...whew glad I got that one out.

Be Well,
DKC

Thanks for Nothing

Ever notice how people do not really say thanks for anything anymore. I go out of my way to thank people for ridiculous reasons. Its my own personal and private joke and I do find it funny.

So, thanks to all the people out there like DP for naming me Mankind years ago and being a great friend...I miss my friend DP. Also, thanks to all the wonderful people I worked with at PWC.

Thanks to GS for no real reason maybe just cause you spell your first name with two GG's and gave me a lot of feedback about my Sloth post.

Thanks to my chat friends and the two girls I forgot to mention in my post Women in my past, present, future and The Thong Both girls are in my past, one of them told me hey I am still your friend and I said o yeah we still aim chat the other just loves the rain (private joke) but we chat here and there as she pointed out as well.

Finally, thanks to everyone I forget to thank. If you know me you know I can hardly remember to spell my first name let alone thank you.
That's just it, be a little less rude today and
Thanks
Even if it is for nothing someone should thank you and you should thank someone.
DKC

Broken Key

I broke my key in the door to my apartment building last night. I just find that interesting, the key just ripped in my hand. Does not seem right a metal key in average shape no damage. I put it in the lock turned and it ripped like a hot knife cutting butter. There was no me yelling HULK SMASH key...not likely...but that might have been funny to yell out. I just find events like this weird. Like how did I rip a metal key and not mean to. Mind you had I tried I would still be there.

I have not blogged in a few days because I am trying to find my determination. I am not sure if playing DOTA in Warcraft 3 is helping me but I have traveled down this road before and its a matter of time before I find that something that makes me GO.

Things are going well with that girl I mentioned in Hell Week. Its strange to like someone and have them like you in return. Some part of me wants to ask what is the matter with her or me {smile}. I am taking it slow with this girl, enjoying her company.

Not everything is strange to me these topics are thats why I write them I find them interesting or unique.

A best friend of mine named Tim that was in Iraq serving our country is home safe. I blogged about him Tim-In-Iraqi-Update & Iraqi.

Thank God!

Going to the dermatologist tomorrow. I am sick of my finger tips cracking.

That's all I have to say for now because I am mentally tired.

DKC

Chess

I have played chess for years was even part of the USFC nationally rated 1300. One day many years ago I am playing these guys who were a bunch of pawn pushers for the USFC. A pawn pusher means they would win via pawn position and having one or two extra pawns. This style of playing always drained me and made me feel like I was playing against a book.
Anyway, while playing the last guy he falls down and has a heart attack, dies shortly after never seeing another thing but my silly chess game. This bothered me for many years and made me not want to play.

Recently, I have played a few games some even at work but my coworkers think I get mad at losing. I guess this is kind of true, I am use to playing a game win or loss and playing another. I am not a fan of speed chess or anything like that and above all I get very focused and serious when I play even when I lose. VERY unlike me for those that know me.

Today I lost a chess game and I went right back to work while my coworkers said I was mad. Meanwhile I was not mad that I know just focused on the after thoughts of the game and mistakes I made and that I needed to start working again.

Anyway, this teasing drove me to decide to not play again at work perhaps that makes me a baby but really I do not need to be told I am angry even if I am cause most people know being told your angry just makes it worse.

Be well, Live Strong.
DKC

Sloth

I had a strange dream last night. I was having dinner and Sloth one of the seven deadly sins was eating with me. We were having a pleasant conversation about nothing I can remember except I felt strangely happy and good. Sloth asks me if having dinner with it makes me any worse of a person or does having dinner make Sloth any better of a sin. I replied that I doubt a simple dinner could change anything at all especially the very nature of Sloth. Sloth said then maybe the dinner changed me.

I woke up shortly after very confessed. I also figured that if I had dinner with Sloth that I would indeed change as a person even though its just simple dinner. Overall what scares me is did I have the dream cause I am being Sloth like in my life.

Besides the dream I will be writing about my past new years resolutions and this years new resolutions.

Seven Deadly Sins

DKC

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year is all I have time to say for now.

Be Well!

DKC

Catalyst or Changer

I define catalyst as the tool used in a change and I define changer as the total event using the tools.

In my life it seems that’s I am often a catalyst to change but never the changer. For a long time I had a problem with being used by some power to facilitate a change. Recently someone told me that I need to surrender to my catalyst like attributes therefore becoming more effective at it. I have thought a long time on this advice and I just remember a book serious I have been reading Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time. In this book serious Mr. Jordan brings up a similar theory were women had to surrender to something and men have to fight it in order for the best results. Overall, I partly agree with Mr. Jordan and the person that told me to surrender. I know that by surrendering to “the forces of life” that make me a catalyst everything will flow easier and have more impact. I also know that I can not just allow myself to be “used” all of the time. I yearn to be the change creator or I try to help direct the change thinking this change would not be occurring if I was not here. This thinking is what makes me male and human and is mostly wrong but a small undetermined part is right. Maybe some day in the future I can figure out how I can be at harmony with the change and take an active part while being a catalyst. For now my silly thoughts muddle things and create problems for the change that I am part of.
That same person told me that I need to focus on what and why I am in the situation rather then what the situation is and how the person is going to be altered. This makes insane amount of sense and I can not think of how I can go wrong approaching the situations as open minded as I can. However, I find it hard to just let something happen or enjoy being part of the phenomenon. I also have not always realized that I am learning or what is going on with me while the circumstances are occuring.

DKC

Tim in Iraqi Update

A good friend of mine and a freind of Tim that I just posted about wrote the following

"
I just got word from Tim's Mom. Tim is in the air and on his way home now.
So he'll be in the States for the New year. Yippie!!!!

Barry"

So, it seems that Tim will be safe in the USA shortly!!!

DKC

Iraqi

One of my best friends in Iraqi with the army wrote the following
"
Hay all,

Well.....finally I'm am inbound. Actual date is not known but soon.
I'm in Kuwait now and should be feet-dry in the good old USA in the
next 2 weeks. I'll try to get in touch once I get there but I expect
that I'll not have e-mail or anything like that. You'll get the
word...it just might take some time. Love to all


Tim"

I can not wait till he is home safe!!! {SMILE}

DKC

Mistakes

I make plenty of mistakes. In fact, I could say I have made so many mistakes that I am a master at making mistakes. I am not being negative, pessimistic or lacking confidence. I am just stating an obvious observation with comparing my life and the choices I make or the situations I get into either voluntary or not versus other people.

I have more to say on this subject and may write about this topic some other day but I am tried and its been a long day.

DKC

Tsunamis

Prey for the families of the lost or deceased do to this terrible Tsunamis in East Asia.

Tsunamis

DKC

A_mal_gama

This Blog A_mal_gama has a description that I loved "even if the VOICES aren't real they have some good ideas".

That just makes a lot of strange sense to me. She goes on to say a bunch of other things in spanish that I had to go to great lenghts to get her blog translated. Basically she has some deep thoughts for such a young looking lady. I wish her well.

DKC

Blog Time

I do not know how long I am going to keep up with posting every day. I also do not know what time of the day or night I will post.

For example "The Anxious Bench" (all Links on the right) posts when she has something to say and usually I find her posts most fascinating. The "Nurse 2 Be" posts almost every day like I do but she seems to say things that seem more interesting then my ramble (Smile). The "Ladienyte's Ramblings" seems similar to my posts but I personally love to read her writing because I feel more connected to her, her family and our mutual friends that live near her but about 4 hours away from me. Finally, "The Best Page in the Universe" does not seem to post anymore and I have no clue who he is but he has written some funny stuff. All in all, I am saying I am not sure that I will have any schedule or style in most of my posting. My point for posting is that I hope someone may find what I have to say as funny or helpful.

Be Well!
DKC

The Gym

You would think I would find or make that need or determination which brings a person in to the gym. In fact I had "it" 2 years ago and for about 2 weeks a few days ago. I know I should go to the gym, I know its costing me a lot a month, I even know that by not going today I am failing a test of the day. (You know the test from the movie young guns; similar movie would be city slickers). Either way I hope I find that certain something today because I need to-do the Body for Life plan . (Link on the right side)
I guess I just lost the right stuff for today. If I can manage to wake up around 6am tomorrow I will wake my gym partner and successfully get to the gym and start up the Body for Life plan.

DKC

Merry Christmas

Like the title says Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

DKC

Change-a-roll-adope-la

First off you may remember three posts ago or my first post ever called "Hell Week" I posted about an 8-10 page paper I had to write the same week my step-father past. Well I got
Final Paper 12/24/04 1:11 AM B+

The Final Grade for that class was :
Final Course Grade 12/24/04 2:23 AM A-

My other class I got :
Date: Fri, 24 Dec 2004 13:21:04 -0500>> You received a B+ on the exam and a B+ for the course.

• 
  So WOOT!!!

On to today’s topic which I am sure is confusing:
Basically Change-a-roll-adope-la is my way of saying I am completely broke! It got so bad I had to roll some change and trade the change rolls in for cash. The bank just took my rolls and gave me cash no double counting or weighing which I though was strange and a small part of me said I got to try this with some "shaving" or batteries. I will not do that but really. However, I did not think the bank would be so trusting when handed $120.00 in change rolls. A tiny part of me wanted to yell at the lady and advise her everyone makes mistakes so she should double check me. At the time I just stared at her trying to Jedi mind trick why she could care less and took my cash and went on my way. On the bright side, I have a side job on Christmas Eve tonight. This basically means that I will take the money I make and pay another bill but that's not so bad considering its one more bill paid.

No worries or fear I will make it past this. I have had it much worse then this; in fact this is easy... I really only had to lower my 401K deduction so, when I get my next pay check I should get more take home. In January 05 there are 3 pay periods for me so that will help a ton. Finally and overall I am happy I have my health, a apartment, good friends, Becky Bird, and food.

Happy Holidays I will try to post tomorrow but no guarantees on the weekends especially this weekend and next.

DKC