I wrote these long ago and I am putting them here again.
“1. Do not scorn me because the most creative thing you have done today was set your alarm clock yesterday."
"2. A Joker can always be a King. However, a King can never be a Joker. I will be the Joker so I can be both."
"3. Maybe life is really just about saving one. For once one is saved then the all can follow.".
Dan
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
My commitment
Hello Folks,
I have a story to this so instead of telling it now I will simply post the link to my Team in Training Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Fundraising Page. If you have questions or want more information please ask. If you can not donate I understand, money sucks for me as well :( stop by the page to donate or not.
http://pages.teamintraining.org/nj/philtri11/dcasmas
Dan
I have a story to this so instead of telling it now I will simply post the link to my Team in Training Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Fundraising Page. If you have questions or want more information please ask. If you can not donate I understand, money sucks for me as well :( stop by the page to donate or not.
http://pages.teamintraining.org/nj/philtri11/dcasmas
Dan
Friday, October 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Sprint Triathlon and something
I have recently started training for a Sprint Triathlon on October 3rd, I stared before Becky bird passed (I still miss her a lot).
The idea to do the Sprint Triathlon started one day when I looked in the mirror and was sick of looking at my fat self staring back at me. I went on Weight Watchers and lost like 40 Pd but was still looking saggy and fat. I asked a friend what he would do and he said I needed a fitness goal and on that day I choose my fitness goal to a Sprint Triathlon.
Fast forward to today and I am now 60 Pd lighter and in decent shape. I still have some sag and a touch more too tight or loss here and there.
History recap, about a year ago some events happened while I was dating I was lead me to gain confidence in myself. At the time I really had no idea what my limits were anymore and I am still not sure.
Fast forward back to today and yet again my personality is changing due my efforts to train for this pending Sprint Triathlon.
Thankfully, my focus has been on the Sprint Triathlon which has helped distract me from being single or missing Becky bird.
What I find interesting and scary in a deep corner of my soul is that for over a year now I have become more and more unfamiliar with portions of who I am.
This concerns me in some ways but in others ways I figure I will find out when I get there.
So that is what is going on recently.
DKC
PS: There is a girl that I meet recently and for some reason my soul thinks I will date her. The situation is not the best and I really do not have any logic for the feeling. But I seem to blindly trust this odd feeling, so we will see how that works out.
The idea to do the Sprint Triathlon started one day when I looked in the mirror and was sick of looking at my fat self staring back at me. I went on Weight Watchers and lost like 40 Pd but was still looking saggy and fat. I asked a friend what he would do and he said I needed a fitness goal and on that day I choose my fitness goal to a Sprint Triathlon.
Fast forward to today and I am now 60 Pd lighter and in decent shape. I still have some sag and a touch more too tight or loss here and there.
History recap, about a year ago some events happened while I was dating I was lead me to gain confidence in myself. At the time I really had no idea what my limits were anymore and I am still not sure.
Fast forward back to today and yet again my personality is changing due my efforts to train for this pending Sprint Triathlon.
Thankfully, my focus has been on the Sprint Triathlon which has helped distract me from being single or missing Becky bird.
What I find interesting and scary in a deep corner of my soul is that for over a year now I have become more and more unfamiliar with portions of who I am.
This concerns me in some ways but in others ways I figure I will find out when I get there.
So that is what is going on recently.
DKC
PS: There is a girl that I meet recently and for some reason my soul thinks I will date her. The situation is not the best and I really do not have any logic for the feeling. But I seem to blindly trust this odd feeling, so we will see how that works out.
Friday, July 02, 2010
Becky Bird 08/14/01 - 06/18/10
Becky Bird my dear pet past away 06/18/10. I was away on vacation in Syracuse at the time Becky was with friends. She past suddenly from what my friends told me, I am not sure if she missed me, got scared or was ill.
A little more about Becka Lynn Bird Cazman (Becky), she was given to me as a gift from my father when I went to FL for a visit. My grandmother was still living at the time. When I first got her I sat with her and stared at her for a day to try and figure out a name that would suit her.
I like names similar to Susan because the name can also be Sue. That was my first way I got to Becka Lynn. After that I decided that I like names with the letter B and finally I wanted something less common, this is how I got Becka Lynn Bird Cazman or Becky Bird Cazman for short.
Shortly after deciding Becky’s named, I decided I need to make her a promise. My promise was that I would always do my best to love her, protect her and to give her the best life I could manage.
When I returned to NJ, Becky bird came to NJ with me on the train. This was the beginning of my life for a little longer than 9 years begin with Becky bird.
Becky was a sweet, friendly bird; very loving in fact she loved most guys. For whatever reason Becky decided I was her favorite and only toy. Becky also treated me like I was her husband, son and brother she was always very protective of me especially when I would take a nap with her near me.
When Becky first got home to NJ I refused to respond to her various noises and after some time Becky stopped making a lot of noise. This is how I came to affectionately told people that Becky thought I was deaf.
I called Becky many things over the years. My Flying crap machine, my flying crapping vulture, my love, my Dear and other things that I cannot think of at this time.
For now this is my eulogy, I will continue more later on, this blog for a while may just be my memories and open letter to my pet past so excuse me for being away so long and for focusing on one topic over my next few entries and days.
DKC
A little more about Becka Lynn Bird Cazman (Becky), she was given to me as a gift from my father when I went to FL for a visit. My grandmother was still living at the time. When I first got her I sat with her and stared at her for a day to try and figure out a name that would suit her.
I like names similar to Susan because the name can also be Sue. That was my first way I got to Becka Lynn. After that I decided that I like names with the letter B and finally I wanted something less common, this is how I got Becka Lynn Bird Cazman or Becky Bird Cazman for short.
Shortly after deciding Becky’s named, I decided I need to make her a promise. My promise was that I would always do my best to love her, protect her and to give her the best life I could manage.
When I returned to NJ, Becky bird came to NJ with me on the train. This was the beginning of my life for a little longer than 9 years begin with Becky bird.
Becky was a sweet, friendly bird; very loving in fact she loved most guys. For whatever reason Becky decided I was her favorite and only toy. Becky also treated me like I was her husband, son and brother she was always very protective of me especially when I would take a nap with her near me.
When Becky first got home to NJ I refused to respond to her various noises and after some time Becky stopped making a lot of noise. This is how I came to affectionately told people that Becky thought I was deaf.
I called Becky many things over the years. My Flying crap machine, my flying crapping vulture, my love, my Dear and other things that I cannot think of at this time.
For now this is my eulogy, I will continue more later on, this blog for a while may just be my memories and open letter to my pet past so excuse me for being away so long and for focusing on one topic over my next few entries and days.
DKC
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
New Car
I had to cancel my vacation due to my 01 civic trasmission going bad. I then bought a new 09 civic. all that and i am in new apartment now 19 days.
Thats all for today.
Thats all for today.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Colonoscopy
I had a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago. The Sunday before the colonoscopy was a fast day which went a lot easier than I expected. This Sunday was the first day I can recall were I went without food for so long. Going without food was not as hard as I had read but perhaps that is because of the cleanse that I started at 3pm that Sunday?
Anyway, I did the cleanse and while that was not fun. I have been through worse in life.
Monday came, I went to the clinic with my brother, filled out the forums the entire time being terrified. I got into the gown, went into the room and they put the stint into my hand. I waited in true terror for the solution that would put me out. When they put that solution into my body I did not think I was going to go out. 30 seconds or less later I was out.
40 minutes later I was awoken feeling great, like I just came from a normal sleep. No pain no problem.
I am not going to say my fear was for nothing but the colonoscopy went very well.
No cancer was the result!
DKC
Anyway, I did the cleanse and while that was not fun. I have been through worse in life.
Monday came, I went to the clinic with my brother, filled out the forums the entire time being terrified. I got into the gown, went into the room and they put the stint into my hand. I waited in true terror for the solution that would put me out. When they put that solution into my body I did not think I was going to go out. 30 seconds or less later I was out.
40 minutes later I was awoken feeling great, like I just came from a normal sleep. No pain no problem.
I am not going to say my fear was for nothing but the colonoscopy went very well.
No cancer was the result!
DKC
Monday, June 29, 2009
I am back
Single again :(
Things did not work out with the girl and her two kids. We rented a house moved into and now I live in that house alone less than a year later. The house is a 3 bedroom house and I am here until at least the end of the month of July.
The girl decided to move out of the house early due to our relationship troubles. In the end the problems were mutual and I am sad it is over but I have to focus on other things now.
Like what is next? Do I rent another 1 bedroom apartment like where I came from or do I decide to buy?
Additionally, I have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week due to problems in that area. So I am pretty unhappy about the prep work, procedure and all. This truly will be the first time I have been put out. My hernia operation did not require me to be put out.
Anyway, I am uncomfortable and scared with the pending colonoscopy. I am confused to the right answers of purchasing or renting and that is what is going on these days.
DKC
Things did not work out with the girl and her two kids. We rented a house moved into and now I live in that house alone less than a year later. The house is a 3 bedroom house and I am here until at least the end of the month of July.
The girl decided to move out of the house early due to our relationship troubles. In the end the problems were mutual and I am sad it is over but I have to focus on other things now.
Like what is next? Do I rent another 1 bedroom apartment like where I came from or do I decide to buy?
Additionally, I have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week due to problems in that area. So I am pretty unhappy about the prep work, procedure and all. This truly will be the first time I have been put out. My hernia operation did not require me to be put out.
Anyway, I am uncomfortable and scared with the pending colonoscopy. I am confused to the right answers of purchasing or renting and that is what is going on these days.
DKC
Monday, June 23, 2008
News update
Hello there readers,
The following is news update of my life.
Currently I am dating a girl with 2 kids for about 5.5 months, she has 2 kids and things are going very well.
We are thinking of buying a house together or at the least renting together. I know to most readers that it seems like a fast movement in a short amount of time. I have historically said similar fast movements are a mistake.
Well I can not tell anyone what the future holds but what I can say is this girl and I are reasonable people and the market is very ripe for a purchase. We will make a legal arrangement for the worse case situation and proceed with caution.
I am feeling very positive about all the goings on even though they are fast. So that is a lot from a guy that has been single most of his life. A few posts ago I thought I would never find a girl.
Besides that I am working, love my job but at training last week a IT manager from Nasa in the same class as me asked me for my resume. So even thought I was not looking, who am I to say no to Nasa?
My weight is not excellent, I am above average BMI would mark me as obese :( 235 and 5'11 tall.
My hair is still thinning at a slow rate.
I am biking and hiking and will probably be going camping soon.
That is all I can think of right now on this update.
Be Well :)
The following is news update of my life.
Currently I am dating a girl with 2 kids for about 5.5 months, she has 2 kids and things are going very well.
We are thinking of buying a house together or at the least renting together. I know to most readers that it seems like a fast movement in a short amount of time. I have historically said similar fast movements are a mistake.
Well I can not tell anyone what the future holds but what I can say is this girl and I are reasonable people and the market is very ripe for a purchase. We will make a legal arrangement for the worse case situation and proceed with caution.
I am feeling very positive about all the goings on even though they are fast. So that is a lot from a guy that has been single most of his life. A few posts ago I thought I would never find a girl.
Besides that I am working, love my job but at training last week a IT manager from Nasa in the same class as me asked me for my resume. So even thought I was not looking, who am I to say no to Nasa?
My weight is not excellent, I am above average BMI would mark me as obese :( 235 and 5'11 tall.
My hair is still thinning at a slow rate.
I am biking and hiking and will probably be going camping soon.
That is all I can think of right now on this update.
Be Well :)
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Beep Beep
I have a new reader, from what I am told by this lady I am seeing. Thats right you read it here first the Cazman is actually seeing a someone and its a living female.
Anyway, besides that rant she said some nice things about the blog and my insanity written herein.
Its a new year, with new goals, and thoughts.
This year I am looking to loss 40 pounds of fat,
Get on a plane and fly some place ...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :(
Possibly buy a condo,
Possibly look for a new job,
Continue enjoying every day I get to live,
If I am lucky, I will keep this lady around long enough that I can change the single and looking thing off to the side. Who knows what adventures await?
Be well out there.
DKC
Anyway, besides that rant she said some nice things about the blog and my insanity written herein.
Its a new year, with new goals, and thoughts.
This year I am looking to loss 40 pounds of fat,
Get on a plane and fly some place ...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :(
Possibly buy a condo,
Possibly look for a new job,
Continue enjoying every day I get to live,
If I am lucky, I will keep this lady around long enough that I can change the single and looking thing off to the side. Who knows what adventures await?
Be well out there.
DKC
Thursday, December 20, 2007
If I told you the whole story
If I told you the whole story, all the detail, every risk. Would the outcome be fair despite the results?
Are we all alone in a crowded room?
Must life really be about lying?
Maybe evolution has further to go with people so we can live without fear of the truth and each other.
I recently made a statement to someone, I said I try never to lie and she said "don't be silly everyone lies". I am no longer sure that is not true, even though I make the best effort to not lie.
I need to live life better in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally. I hope I live long enough to figure out how and maybe even explain that here.
Happy Holidays.
DKC :)
Are we all alone in a crowded room?
Must life really be about lying?
Maybe evolution has further to go with people so we can live without fear of the truth and each other.
I recently made a statement to someone, I said I try never to lie and she said "don't be silly everyone lies". I am no longer sure that is not true, even though I make the best effort to not lie.
I need to live life better in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally. I hope I live long enough to figure out how and maybe even explain that here.
Happy Holidays.
DKC :)
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Check in
A friend surprised me the other day by saying "I was reading your blog yesterday and wanted to ask...", I forget what he asked but I found it chilling that people I know actually read my blog. Then I thought that was funny, I have always suspected no one was reading or anonymous strangers were reading. Heck I make my own comments to things I write .
Either way, things are going well.
I am seeing a girl,(nothing serious yet)
I have all new furniture,
I am going on weight watchers,
I am a little less then 5k in debut,
I have more single friends, and things to do.
I have new goals which include
getting back out of debut,
saving to buy real estate,
losing weight without going to a gym,
I can not think of more of my new goals now.
I also learned that even if something is true it does not need to be said. ie do not speak negatively even if it is true. Also, put my pants on before my shoes. Something else that is escaping me for now. I will maybe come back and update this entry more later.
Be well
Either way, things are going well.
I am seeing a girl,(nothing serious yet)
I have all new furniture,
I am going on weight watchers,
I am a little less then 5k in debut,
I have more single friends, and things to do.
I have new goals which include
getting back out of debut,
saving to buy real estate,
losing weight without going to a gym,
I can not think of more of my new goals now.
I also learned that even if something is true it does not need to be said. ie do not speak negatively even if it is true. Also, put my pants on before my shoes. Something else that is escaping me for now. I will maybe come back and update this entry more later.
Be well
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Worse Case Scenario
I love claiming every situation at its worse case scenario. Thinking about a situation becoming the worse case scenario is just so exciting and addictive I can just eat it up like candy yum yum yum...
I am far too paranoid, impulsive and dramatic and I am sure that makes me a sucker. The amount of effort it takes to stop these railroading thoughts is pretty intensive and some times almost impossible. I know this makes me a little obsessive and I do not deny it but identification is the first step. I just need to focus more because the more I write about this problem the more I understand it really is a problem.
I have noticed small Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behavior in myself which I am sure feeds into everything I just said. However, this doomsayer situation I have is not productive for anyone including me. It only adds to other peoples panic. This is a problem I am going to have to work on. This is my first step, writing about it hopefully new steps will come
DKC
I am far too paranoid, impulsive and dramatic and I am sure that makes me a sucker. The amount of effort it takes to stop these railroading thoughts is pretty intensive and some times almost impossible. I know this makes me a little obsessive and I do not deny it but identification is the first step. I just need to focus more because the more I write about this problem the more I understand it really is a problem.
I have noticed small Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behavior in myself which I am sure feeds into everything I just said. However, this doomsayer situation I have is not productive for anyone including me. It only adds to other peoples panic. This is a problem I am going to have to work on. This is my first step, writing about it hopefully new steps will come
DKC
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Change in the air
I am back, sorry for the wait. I never really found a purpose from my last post and thanks for the comments.
I got all my furniture now and about 6k in debut.
I had a old college buddy contact me out of the blue last night. We are going to meet up one night soon. Right after that I had this strange feeling that my life is about to change. It is a very strong feeling like the sound of a buzzing bee in my ear. Anyway that is all I have to say about it for now. My 6th sense is tingling and I am not sure if what to come is bad or good but I think my life has some big changes to come.
We will see :)
DKC
I got all my furniture now and about 6k in debut.
I had a old college buddy contact me out of the blue last night. We are going to meet up one night soon. Right after that I had this strange feeling that my life is about to change. It is a very strong feeling like the sound of a buzzing bee in my ear. Anyway that is all I have to say about it for now. My 6th sense is tingling and I am not sure if what to come is bad or good but I think my life has some big changes to come.
We will see :)
DKC
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Purpose
Lately I have been trying to figure out what my purpose is or what the point is of my life.
It does not seem like I am going to meet the right lady for me any time soon so if the purpose of my life is to get married or have children then I am not sure I am going to accomplish that. Maybe one of these Eharmony ladies will work out? But really is that point of life?
One of my best friends once told me that people’s purpose in life was to consume and produce. Well I certainly consume, and I produce computer repair so I am doing that. My recent goals have been to buy nice stuff and in the end a house / condo.
That does not seem very satisfying to me but getting new stuff is always good. Maybe I should try to volunteer again? I have always lived life trying to be the best person I can be but is that really my purpose combined with consumption and production?
I need to mull it over more; maybe I will bring this topic up again soon.
Either way, be well and enjoy today.
DKC
It does not seem like I am going to meet the right lady for me any time soon so if the purpose of my life is to get married or have children then I am not sure I am going to accomplish that. Maybe one of these Eharmony ladies will work out? But really is that point of life?
One of my best friends once told me that people’s purpose in life was to consume and produce. Well I certainly consume, and I produce computer repair so I am doing that. My recent goals have been to buy nice stuff and in the end a house / condo.
That does not seem very satisfying to me but getting new stuff is always good. Maybe I should try to volunteer again? I have always lived life trying to be the best person I can be but is that really my purpose combined with consumption and production?
I need to mull it over more; maybe I will bring this topic up again soon.
Either way, be well and enjoy today.
DKC
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
How is fear dealt with?
I suppose fear is one of the most motivating factors in my life. At least for me fear and anxiety seem to be heavy influencers. Not that I live my life always in fear but I do find it behind harder choices and life situations.
I suppose I need to work with my therapist about this situation but I generally assume there are people like me out there. I wonder how people with a problem with fear get from here to there. It seems so 2nd skin to me that its hard for me to understand people who seem to live life without fear...
I will try to live strong and I think I need to define my purpose to gain a better edge on my currect fear.
I suppose I need to work with my therapist about this situation but I generally assume there are people like me out there. I wonder how people with a problem with fear get from here to there. It seems so 2nd skin to me that its hard for me to understand people who seem to live life without fear...
I will try to live strong and I think I need to define my purpose to gain a better edge on my currect fear.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Surgery went well
I am happy to say that the surgery went well and I seriously went over board with the stress and pain. I sadly even smoked cigarettes again. It’s all good, tomorrow is a new day and I have plans to start an all new healthy life. Healing past the surgery is the first step.
Funny I did not have to get knocked out for the surgery.
Keep you posted
Funny I did not have to get knocked out for the surgery.
Keep you posted
Friday, May 04, 2007
Surgery
My surgery is coming Monday. I am pretty freaked out over it even though the surgery is minor. The doctor told me if you ever wanted to have surgery that the surgery I was getting was the best one. I have never been knocked out beyond sleeping that and the fact that I am in no pain distributes me greatly.
March forward, enjoy each day as it comes and do not regret.
March forward, enjoy each day as it comes and do not regret.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Original quotes
My Favorite original quotes.
"1. Do not scorn me because the most creative thing you have done today was set your alarm clock yesterday."
"2. A Joker can always be a King. However, a King can never be a Joker. I will be the Joker so I can be both."
"3. Maybe life is really just about saving one. For once one is saved then the all can follow.".
Take 27
I was going to just say take 2 but that felt too small and then I went to take 2007 but that did not seem funny so here we are take 27.
The idea here is keep trying until the end or the action is right. The problem is if a person applies the rule to life and each day of life being a chance to get things right like the movie ground hogs day then I want to keep taking forever even if I get it aka life right one day. See, I guess at the core that my problem is I do not want to die.
Most people live with or in fear and I am no exception. My fears lie in ends like death then in confinement and finally in failure.
Failure is a very selfish fear and really only defined by the individual in my opinion. That is the core of my fear of failure it’s not stable and changes with how I feel from one day to the next.
Well maybe later I will expand more I am distracted for now by the nice day outside and I really have to pee.
Man what a moster post below
The idea here is keep trying until the end or the action is right. The problem is if a person applies the rule to life and each day of life being a chance to get things right like the movie ground hogs day then I want to keep taking forever even if I get it aka life right one day. See, I guess at the core that my problem is I do not want to die.
Most people live with or in fear and I am no exception. My fears lie in ends like death then in confinement and finally in failure.
Failure is a very selfish fear and really only defined by the individual in my opinion. That is the core of my fear of failure it’s not stable and changes with how I feel from one day to the next.
Well maybe later I will expand more I am distracted for now by the nice day outside and I really have to pee.
Man what a moster post below
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